What should I do if I have a bad temper? How can I control it?

Human temper is like a torrent of fire and beasts. Sometimes it comes without warning and can ruin many of our things on many occasions. So how should we control this bad temper to avoid unnecessary troubles?

1. Wait for the anger to subside.

Research shows that anger lasts no longer than 12 seconds, just like a storm, which destroys everything when it breaks out, but calms down afterward. So it is very important to know how to spend these critical 12 seconds and let the anger dissipate naturally. Take a deep breath, or count to 10 in your mind. When you are done, you will find that you are actually not that angry anymore.

(A word of caution, the best way to count is not to count from 1 to 10, but to count like 1-4-7-10-13... Do some addition calculations while counting to wake up your rational brain, shift your attention, and calm your emotions faster.)

2. Take control of your emotions.

Phrasing your emotions differently can help you feel more in control. "I'm really disappointed in your behavior" is more powerful than the "#￥%—*" you blurt out in a rage.

3. Challenge your core beliefs.

Ask yourself, "Is it a good thing for my subordinates to allow them to leave early at any time? Is it a good thing for my spouse to spend every weekend playing golf with clients?" If you are honest, your answer must be, of course not. Recognizing right from wrong is the first step to correcting it.

4. Keep yourself out of it.

Imagine a friend of yours who is constantly criticized by her boss, has to work overtime, or is ignored. What is the right response for her? Make a list of possible actions she might take, and then ask yourself why these methods work for her but not for you.

5. Engage in “healthy” confrontation.

If someone criticizes you, you can use positive and constructive language to fight back. The other person may be surprised by your language and even a little angry. But you know what? They will forgive and get used to your way. For family and good friends, hidden anger is often more destructive than anger expressed directly.

6. Question yourself.

Whenever you feel like blaming yourself, start by asking yourself, "Who told me that I was responsible for this?" Then ask yourself, "Do you believe this?" Recognize where the real responsibility lies, instead of standing up without knowing the truth and taking on responsibilities that you shouldn't have.

7. Improve self-confidence.

Make a list of all the good things about yourself. Regaining your confidence is key to avoiding self-blame. If you have trouble with this, seek professional help.

8. Face your inner self.

What are you really satisfied with? If you can dig deep into your heart, you will find that a book stapler, dirty socks thrown on the floor, and empty milk bottles in the refrigerator are actually not worth your anger. But if you can't find the bottom line of your anger even if you face your heart, you need to consult a professional.

9. Watch for signs of anger.

Be sensitive to your reactions and feelings when you are about to get angry. When you are angry, do your hands unconsciously clench into fists? Do you start pacing the room? Do you mutter, curse, or clench your teeth? When you are able to sensitively perceive the various signs that you are about to get angry, you can immediately make some efforts to calm the impending anger.